Motivated for the operation?

As we see in the film about Michael, he is highly motivated to go through this operation, in his own opinion as well as others, among them the surgeon Brian Koppel. I believe I am more or less at the same motivation level as Michael because I recognise his strong will  to function better in everyday life.

Many tell me that they think I appear almost as I am not sick. Yes, thanks to all the pills I swallow every day thats true. But I already suffer considerably from side effects and I fear there will be an increasingly higher cost using extreme doses of medicines.

I am highly motivated because I know that the operation will remove a large amount of the medicines  I am addicted to today. (I use 'addicted' in order to stress that to me there is no third option from my point of view; Its to use heavy  doses of medicines as I do today or  having the operation. The reason for this is that  I by now without medicines function so inadequately that I would soon have to be nursed if I experimented  with alternative medicine.)

I also know that after the operation I do not have to wait for the medicines to work every morning ( it takes at least 1 hour, on average 1 1/2  hours). This time is more or less wasted today. In fact I may have the electrodes on all the time if I like, the only drawback being that I will have to get new batteries in the pacemaker more often than if I save some by turning it off at night.

I think/hope/believe that  I will function on a higher level than today, most of all because I will probably have more staying power than today, which, believe me, is not much. To not get very tired from doing very simple things like writing these lines, would be nice! This will also effect my ability to have a small position at work, which is important for many reasons.

I also hope I will sleep better,  as Michael says in the film you get wired from the medicines, and on average I only sleep 3-4 hours a night.

A substantial drawback connected to the medicines opposed to the results of the operation, is that the effect of the one medicine (Stalevo) ends very abrubtly, meaning  that if I forget to take a new pill in the interval, I experience a flashback with very demanding fluctuations. The opposite will surely awaken some of my old self, being able to handle more situations in a good manner.

I must admit that it is a sort of relief to hear the surgeon that operated Michael, pointing out the scariness we all will feel facing  an operation in the brain. Yes, I am scared, and I will certainly be even more so in the weeks to come, but I am also confident that it will be a success!